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Traveling with your spouse is the dream, right? In our dreams everything is perfect. The sun is always warm, the water is always blue and the wait times in restaurants are completely non-existent. Well, travel together for a time or two and you’ll soon find out, that things will not always go to plan. When you are traveling with your best friend you can rewrite the story though and turn things around. Here are a few of the lessons we’ve learned from traveling together.
Control what you can and release what you can’t.
You have zero control over the line at the security check point but you do control what time you arrive at the airport. You have control over what time you arrive at the trailheads and landmarks on your trip, but you have no control over the crowd who beat you there. We’ve stood in long security lines smiling as people all around us panicked because they didn’t leave themselves enough time or any time at all. We’ve enjoyed trails to ourselves by getting up just a half hour earlier than we wanted to.
Grace upon grace.
You dream of always being your best self on vacation. The truth is, you will be tired, hungry, hot and then cold, insecure, and whatever other range of feelings you can have. Give grace to your spouse when they say things wrong. We all get hangry, give grace when they get hangry. Give grace when they feel nervous in new situations. Take some quiet time to figure out what you need, regroup and come back. When we practice this, we usually can laugh about it over some food, air conditioning, or a drink. Travel and adventure continue to show me new things about myself as a person.
Communicate your hopes and desires.
If there’s a waterfall you want to see or a store you want to check out, communicate it. When we go on trips, we keep a loose agenda and leave room for side adventures. Even if one of us isn’t the most interested, we go for the other to have that experience. Communicate what you see for your day and be willing to do your own thing. In Kauai, there was one afternoon where I needed a nap and Courtney needed time on the beach. By both communicating our desires we were able to allow the other to do their thing and agree on a time when we’d come back together. I woke up ready to go and Courtney got the beach relaxation she needed. It made for a better rest of the day.
It’s okay to not talk (all the time.)
If you are newly married, you might not know this, but, you won’t always have things to talk about. It can be easy to overanalyze this. Aren’t we supposed to be constantly connected on vacation? When you are traveling together, taking independent time is needed. This may be reading a book, listening to music in the car or seeing and doing your own thing from time to time. It’s just as important as being together. If you are traveling just the two of you, remember that being together 24/7 can be challenging. It’d be challenging being with anyone 24/7. A key we’ve found to having our healthiest relationship is making sure we remember to be independent people.
Keep learning from your experiences.
When we get back we try to think about what went really well and what could have gone better. We aren’t looking at our trip through a critical lens, just a lens we can learn through. We ask questions of ourselves like what did we need more of, what did we need less of? Where did we feel connected together and what did we enjoy? By asking a few questions and learning from each other, each trip we take seems to get better every time.
Traveling Together
Traveling with your partner is a super rewarding piece of your relationship. Whether we are abroad or on a trail just down the road, experiencing life together bonds us tighter. Adventure can be stressful but by staying united as a team, you can build memories for a lifetime.